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From Sarah: Dark cupboard
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard. Equally unexpectedly, the woman’s husband also comes home. Panicking, she puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, “Dark in here.”
The man says, “Yes, it is.”
Boy - “I have a football.”
Man - “That’s nice.”
Boy - “Want to buy it?”
Man - “No, thanks.”
Boy - “My dad’s outside.”
Man - “OK, how much?”
Boy - “£250″A few weeks later, the same situation occurs and the boy and his mother’s lover end up in the cupboard again.
Boy - “Dark in here.”
Man - “Yes, it is.”
Boy - “I have football boots.”
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”
Boy - “£750″
Man - “Sold.”A few days later, the boy’s father says to the boy, “Grab your boots and football, let’s go outside and have a game of soccer. The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my ball and boots.”
The father says, “What?! How much did you sell them for?”
Boy - “£1,000.”The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is far more than those two things cost. That was a very wrong thing to do, son. I think we ought to pay a visit to the church and ask the Lord to forgive you for your greed.”
They go to the church and the father seats the little boy in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that sh*t again. You’re in my cupboard now.”
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I’ve been tagged: 5 Things you didn’t know about me
I’ve been tagged by Andy. Basically the way it works (for those who don’t know) is that someone tags you, you write a post explaining 5 things people don’t know about you and then you tag the next person who has to do this.
So here’s my five things…
1. I’m a random player/staff member in Championship manager 2006.
(Click here to see the full screenshot)I was randomly entered a competition to be a ‘ghost player’ in Championship manager and won. So I’m now a randomly a staff member or player that appears greyed out. Either that or I turn up to fill the staff positions that aren’t filled in clubs. Go ahead and start a new game.. search for ‘Jamie Huskisson’ and you should find me :)
2. I haven’t seen my dad since i was 10-12..
He’s ran away somewhere - last spotted in Australia. Funnily enough there’s a town in Australia by the name of ‘Huskisson’ - coincidence?
3. I once played Burnout Revenge on Xbox Live against Jamie Oliver
Ok it wasn’t the real Jamie Oliver, but a gamer with the gamertag ‘JamieOliver’. I sent him a message to jokingly ask if he was the real deal - and laughed my ass off as I lapped him three times whilst he car sat dead on the track as he tried to figure out how to reply to my message.
In the end he sent three ‘how do i send you a voice message?’ text messages and one completely blank and without sound voice message.
4. And funnily enough nearly met Jamie Oliver by accident once at college..
Me and a friend walked into college just as he left visiting the kitchen. Nobody knew about it as it was a suprise visit to our college to encourage young chefs etc. and we where stood at the reception when they receptionist just said ‘you just missed Jamie Oliver by two minutes.. he just left out the back entrance’.
Ah well.. Gives him two more minutes to re-educate our education board. (Which is a good thing)
5. I really wish I still had that mascot taken from a typeface…
I really wish I still had the mascot, so I could add this one to my rotation:
(Click here to view the full picture)It’s a lame blood effect - but I think it’s just comical enough to work. People who know me from Pixel2life would sure find it funny :) Strangely though, it was never submitted…
Who do I tag next?
I have to tag someone to do this activity.. so I’m going to choose.. Dean Hunt!
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From Karen: Worms
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive
So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration?
Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,
“As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms!”Got a good joke? send it in using the contact form
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From Sarah: Sex in the dark…
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on turning off the light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights….
She looked down… and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device… a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. “You impotent bastard!!!,” She screamed at him, “how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!”
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
“I’ll explain the toy ……. you explain the kids.”Got a good joke? send it in using the contact form
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